So there it is once again, that deep feeling whose sound is like a lonely cello being played, a single bass string pulled slowly into a cry, the sound rising up from the depths of the soul. All that I had been doing, just before, was reading a few lines in a wonderful new book, and that deep heavy “sigh” arose. Yet this time—this time the breath of my body and spirit went right along smoothly, easily, and there were no pauses, no delays, no hesitation—as if it was perfectly all right feeling that way.
“Slow down, take your time”, my soul had reminded me earlier. Yes, that’s the ticket. Taking time, and slowing it down. There was no sadness or melancholy now behind that sound, only the feeling of peace. Sadness didn’t even exist there.
I guess it was bound to happen sooner or later—remembering a line from a book or a song, or the powerful words of a beautiful speech, or a single thought that was just out of reach—finally all the pieces of the puzzle clicked into place. What I’d once thought was my own solitary place deep inside, that sad ‘sound’ reminding me of who I am, or where I am, when feeling lost, confused, or overwhelmed—-it had never really occurred before, to think about “when” I am…Now that single solitary tone, as naturally as can be, just went on ringing and ringing and ringing. And then and there was the unmistakable peace of the soul.
Our world, this vast and endless world in which we all and each share—having just learned recently about some of the tragic events and terrible conditions of which I’d previously chosen to ignore, or I had pretended weren’t real, and learning about them all at once and from different angles and points of view—my body began its outright shaking and trembling, feeling nervous, depressed, and overwhelmed—too much! Too much to know! Feeling sick and sad, furious and disappointed all at once—too much! The pain and suffering all over the world, the violence, the tragic losses, the senseless murdering of people by other people, the pain—no, too much!
Distraught beyond description, searching for relief and struggling for peace of mind, for understanding, for something. For peace within. Seeking answers and guidance, seeking relief and begging and pleading to God or any prophet or messiah or teacher from within for help—gradually, so gradually, a calm peace began and took hold, flowing and flowering throughout. The utter relief and forgiveness, so freely given and desperately needed, the understanding and acceptance of all our poor and terrible actions—someday, somehow, all will be redeemed within the greater good of God and ourselves.
—After a while however, I became suspicious of my own thoughts and fears: “Am I really here? Is this really me? Is this really happening? Is this real? How can it be real? How can we save ourselves until then? Is the world truly that bad? How did we get this far off course? What have we done to ourselves? Is all hope lost forever? Will we ever learn? Will we deserve that forgiveness someday?”
—Life is sacred. ALL life is sacred. YOUR life is sacred. But so is mine. And there’s no way I’m giving up that small but calm center that I’ve found, losing all that I’ve worked towards—the tiny amount of self-control and certainty, the dreams and beliefs of hope, the feeling of resolve and quiet determination—losing it all for some over-indulgence in sentiment or unworthy emotion. No way! There aren’t enough tears anyway to express how broken my heart is. There’s not enough anger that I could bring forth all on my own, to express what ALL the people in the world should be feeling over the current state of the world and our own destructive actions. Friend or foe—things cannot go on the way they are, not if there is to be a sane and just world in the future, a world filled with opportunities for each and all, choices for each and all, and freedom for each and all. Something must change, and now.
And those unworthy and un-fulfilling emotions? —Yes indeed, they are still there. And they’re being expressed simply as they arise. But to indulge in them, to stretch them out unnaturally and for way too long, holding on to them or forcing them into some other kind of shape—No!
—Every wave must come to an end. Every wave will start and end naturally, changing or blending into another, all through its very own nature, automatically. As the calm breath of the body sounds like the steady ocean waves breaking against a firm and sandy shore, the soul also rides upon a ‘chosen wave’ that arrives from the far distant depths and beyond, crests, breaks, and crashes, then fades away as it recedes into the vast ocean of All Being. Finished, the soul simply turns back and catches another, always seeking that one perfect Ideal wave to ride upon—that one perfect wave of being.
—And so there is that, letting the feelings and emotions flow naturally. And the really good ones—you know the ones: joy, peace, happiness, innocent playfulness, determination, relaxation, such peaceful relaxation…
—the good ones, the things that everybody really wants to feel if they’re honest with themselves—and underneath them all, beneath all these, is the deepest, purest and simple…’tone of being’. Your own personal song you sing.
For me, it sounds like a heavy cello, a thick and heavy bass string pulled easily into voice. And before, all along thinking that this turns into sadness or depression, melancholy or worse—when instead it’s really the one final sound of peace, the sound of accepting and returning all things to peace. So, finding your own deepest sound, your own true ‘Song’, know this—it can never really be about something which falls short of love.
The truest, deepest feelings ring strong and pure, sounding loudly and echoing forever throughout the vast auditorium of All That Is God; the others sound hollow in the solitary room of yourself. Sadness and all the others—they change if allowed, into their more fulfilling and sweet melodies and voice. They do so anyways, after awhile. For me, once I accepted the sadness, it changed into the sound of peace and joy. Hopefully, in time, you will find your own way there as well.
—-Be well as always